


Letter to the Front

by demonsrunningwithangels



Category: Captain America - All Media Types
Genre: F/M, Other
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-01-26
Updated: 2017-04-04
Packaged: 2018-09-20 01:39:02
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,936
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9469715
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/demonsrunningwithangels/pseuds/demonsrunningwithangels
Summary: Steve is on a long mission, deep cover. You know he's cold and alone; winter isn't his favorite. You write to him because he needs to hear it. Almost as much as you need to say it.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hey all! The letter writer can be who ever you need to be. If not you then maybe it's someone else. Let your imagination take over. Thanks for reading!

Steve,

Sorry I haven’t sent anything for a few weeks. This weather has gotten to me. Nothing serious, just enough to feel miserable. 

You should know a local, wouldn't call them a friendly, had been putting pressure on me through several messages trying to persuade me to come out into the field. I must admit, the somewhat human part of me would like nothing more than to bring you an extra blanket or two....to hear your voice, even if you just made pleasantries....to give you a hug even if you don't want it. To make me feel less guilty about not breaking protocol and doing as I please. 

Then I remembered. I'm an agent; how I feel isn't relevant. I also believe this individual to be a touch not trustworthy. All your mission would need is an agent sighting. My training takes over and I know not to divert from my orders. You taught me that. I also know to not load bullets in a gun pointed at you. 

I felt like I was being lured into an open shooter situation. Or that it would be meant as a tactic to demonstrate loyalty to some past possible hydra affiliation. You know I've exercised discretion in the past. Hell, I've taken bullets for you because that's what soldiers do. I shoot to kill now. I recovered in silence and alone too much. I can't put myself through that again. I would just as soon prefer to not put either one of us in that scenario. I know you're tired of punching your way through everything. I'm tired of getting shot in the chest. 

You're my friend Steve, regardless of anything else. I can't be the one to hurt you; I know what that feels like to be put in the crossfire. To wonder if they even thought about how you'd feel or what would happen to you before any action. I can't do that to you. Not now. 

It hurts me to know you hurt. I know you'd like nothing more than to believe I'm all job and that I can take it. I also like to believe that you know better. That I can't just shut off that little part of me that knows your past and loves you anyway. There, I said it. I know we're not big on it, but you need to hear it. Mostly in person, but this will have to do. You're always going to be my brother in arms Captain. Even if everything else goes away, you’ll still be my family.

I know what having to be strong all the time does to you. I also know what it feels like to let go of that burden for even a short while. I know you're not a hero and I don't care. I feel like I'm one of the most blessed people on this planet to be able to know that kid from Brooklyn. The one you keep locked away to protect him from all the hurt and pain and sadness he carries. The real Steven Rogers; dorky and not such the charmer. The good hearted boy who just wants to belong. 

I also know when you change. When you become Captain America. Nearly indestructible, no emotion. I think I see it more than most. Probably why it makes me want to break protocol. I see that kid in your eyes and it breaks me. 

Bucky isn't exactly equipped to help you. I know, to the end of the line. You love him; he's a bridge between your past and your future and always will be. He needs you and you're putting on the suit every day for him. That's a lovely gesture. 

Remember he's been through the ringer too. He's tired but he made you a promise. 

I can almost hear you saying "You worry too much. I'm good just beat up and tired. Just another day." Then you'd change the subject and I'd let you. Answer all your questions and let you take control that way. Let you take my arm and walk with me. Let you squeeze me too tight in a hug like some silent promise that you won't let me fall. Like I'm to be protected. Like the baby sister you keep your eye on. Never showing what’s there to anyone but us. 

So I'll keep pushing forward. It's all I can do. Know that today part of me wanted to arrange a chance to be out there. However, that part also cares too much about you to add to your stress level. You don't need that in your life.

I also know you're cautious. Protecting me,protecting what we have, in some subconscious way and I wanted to say thank you. At some point Steve, you will have to stop letting that paranoia run you. I say that as a friend who knows your suffering and tortures even if we don't talk about that. And seeing how you are the worlds leading authority on waiting too long, it needed said. 

Don't ever hesitate to lean on my shoulder. I've got you. To the end of the line. 

Yours always,  
Me


	2. Steve's response

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You got a letter back from Steve.

Dearest,

Your letter was much appreciated. I know how you are about writing down your thoughts. I keep it with me in my jacket, in my pocket over my heart. Just like your picture. This will be brief but I felt like you deserved to read these words.

I’m sorry. 

Firstly, I’m sorry the weather has gotten to you. I remember when seasons changing for the colder was hard on me. Not so much now but I still can recall it. I wish I was with you, just to keep you company or get you what you need. I know you don’t always take care of you.

I’m sorry that our friendship has put you in a bad spot. I’m even more sorry that I have done nothing to stop others from trying to use you as a possible way to me. You’re right, as always. I did some digging on this local and it was most assuredly a ploy. You would have been in the line of fire. Everyone knows who you are and who you work with. Everything would have been compromised.

Not just my mission. There will always be another one. 

I know you put up a good front. We both agreed that it would be bad business if people knew we were more than just close friends. I was worried that you would be in more danger than you already are if people knew about us. And you put on that hard boiled, tough front that you always do and no one seemed to notice. It made our time alone more valuable and memories that keep me warm out here the most precious.

I’ve seen you take bullets for me. I watched you pull away from me and if I’m being honest, I hated not being at your side. You love me enough to take any hurt for me and here I am, letting you. What a gentleman. I know the real you too. The scared kid who has been broken by the very people they give their heart to. I made a promise that I would never do that. That I would never betray the trust put in me. And you let your guard down. Seeing you like that is the most beautiful thing in all of God’s creation.

Then I go and hurt you. Like the others. I let people believe you had comprised a mission even though I was to blame. I allowed agents that respected you and that were allegedly your friends drag your name through the mud. They made you out to be common trash. 

You did the strangest thing. You let them. You never fought back because you told me you would keep what we have quiet. I slipped up and showed a glimpse of affection and it blew my cover and we were pinned down. We got out of it and you took all the heat. Every stupid little thing they could bury you with they did. And you endured it with a grace and dignity that I can’t even begin to describe. I swear on my mother I will spend the rest of my life righting the wrong I’ve done to you.

The very thought of you defying everything to see me warms my heart. I would tell you I was fine and try to get you off the track. And we’d walk and I’d make small talk and tell you I got your letter and how much I missed you. I’d find a little spot in the woods that’s just enough out of sight and wrap that extra blanket around us and kiss you like it was that last thing I was going to do on this Earth. The sigh, then you say my name on a whisper like it was an answer to what you need. 

I love you. You’re my anchor. Next to Buck, you’re my best friend in this world. I’m a jealous man, sugar. I don’t want to share you with the world; I want you all to myself. I want you to stay at my place and be there when I come home. I want that life that I thought was lost to me so many years ago. All because I met you. The one person that saw the real me and didn’t ignore it.

I pray for you. I know, you don’t like to hear that. I do. God always has seemed to have the answers for me and what keeps me awake at night. I only hope he can do that for you. I know you have seen some of the darkest parts of humanity at a young age. The things that you endured at the hands of your own father breaks me. Wounds like that don’t just heal without leaving a mark. You put up that wall;not to keep everyone out but to see who cared enough to get inside. I’m honored you let me in.

I know you didn’t bring it up but I have to say something. Since I’m writing this you have to listen. The night before I left. You let me love you; know you in every way. I just wanted to tell you that I’m looking forward to the day when I can love you like that again. That night must be a preview of heaven and I was wrapped in the arms of an angel. I’m blessed beyond measure that she chose me to love.

I’m sure you’re blushing or crying but I mean those words. I didn’t want to wait to say them. 

I do have Buck out with me. I do tons for him because I need him to be what he was. You’re right; I put to much on him. But we’ve got each others backs. Always have. The other night we were dug in for the night and he asked about you. He said he knew it was more than I let on and he thought I was a world class idiot. Said “she’s end of the line too pal.”

Only a few more weeks and I’ll be home. You and I have been through so much and you’ve been on my mind. I’m counting the days until you’re in my arms again. This time I don’t care who knows. You’re my best girl, my anchor, my love and hopefully the lady who wants to wear my ring.

Yours,

Steve


End file.
